This Brain thing is pretty intense

I had a life changing effects just from the current passing through my brain and causing me to have 21seconds to 1 minute 30second seizures for three months. It was three times a week alternating to two times a week. I denied that it had a big and beneficial effects on my unrelenting depression and suicidal thinkings. The medication waS OBVIOUSLY NOT WORK oops caps accident…you see the letter a is right next to capslock the only thing keeping me manageable was high dose of thorazine or something relaxing.  I hated being alive at this point. I mean it was not worth this amount of pain. I wanted help and this pain to be gone. I tried. I cried. I stood in shower with door open in case you know. I then had a switch to being better. I thought about it. I met Sarah and Anita and both were fucking crazy. One was like me and the other was like me. Anita died. Sarah lives. I had no memory of things past. I had no identity; I watched myself on youtube. I had no memory of this funny person. People said good things about him. Was I this guy? I recall having visitors at that time and some very pretty females and smart people. Smart Females but that’s just wrong. Heh. You see what I did there?  I pretended to remember but i barely spoke to them as this would reveal that I could not recall them. I had asked one who they were and she cried. Her dad was there so it might have been serious. Then it all came back not all but quite a lot and it was horrible things that this bipolar excuse made me do. I would like to take credit for the bad things I have done; all the good things was due to the bipolar. It is part of my brain structure so it is part of me and my dna and lost lifetime experience. I had thought of disappearing. Starting new.  I see I have lost that guy that I used to be. I had kind cleanish slate.  I then thought of nothing. At the very, moment I am very messed up and having very disturbing thoughts and I however sleep very strange like I run a marathon or trained for the whole day for a 1500metres. I was hungry last night and I went to bed at 10 and got up at 10 and dehydrated. I wanted to sleep more and not get up.  I forced myself up and cleaned up and had a coffee(consisting of boiling water and throwing in coffee grounds as my new coffee maker is still broke).  I am down to my last sardine and a bag of rice. I am not even going to try. This is depression writing.  I think Ill just work on my math as this seems very important to me at the moment and hopefully the theory will be weaponized to destroy brown people in the future.

This is a Sarah looking Like Sarah.

Oh well…