i’ve been meaning to hide again

So hiding mean get away from people all together, which incidentally is so different from now. Just sit in the basement and close the windows as they are already shut and dark in here. I am also told by doctors not to run that much. I took my skin meds which i don’t really need right now anyways. Sarah has moved to Toronto. IT doesn’t really matter humans don’t care anyways they just want their money and then they smile. I got the “heating” bill today and 458$ yes you read that right. I guess no food again this month, but I don’t care. I almost died a couple evenings ago. My heart did that thing in the night and it was exciting to be gone finally from this ugly place however after a few hours of injections and massages it the beat was sinus again. I waited an hour before I walked home at 3 am. You see nothing so I had this belief that humans are social beings. They are not. Almost dying changes nothing, dying changes everything. People will act sad for awhile and then forget and begin back to life. So it goes. The doctor kept saying not to give up. I had given up. I just do things daily now. Tomorrow is not an option if it comes i deal with it then. But today I feel like nothing. Just to sit in bed and listen to music and pretend I have a past and not in the book. The making up the past takes too much energy. I have notes and such. I never have memories of most things. They had been written down and read by me to appear as I have  that memory. Tricking people into thinking your memory is working kind of normally is very easy. People assume you are ok for the most part and they fill in the empty parts. I am lucky I have the maths ability so that is what I do. Somedays I can recreate the memories pretty good so im ok on those days.

ok back to this quantum gravity stuff. Nothing else. I got my kids into a 10KM road race for june 8th. That will be fun to see both of them running. I used to love running. Now I can’t even walk a few blocks without pain and suffering. I want it to be not there and I try but its there there is visible damage in the bones and shit. Oh well. No fuck is given about this. I dare inspiration to me about life if you have any not reponse means no one reads this and/or no one cares. Done. talk at you tomorrow. In the meanwhile, I get buldon to make fun of writing  a novel.