An Introduction to Advanced Bipolar Affective Disorder

Bipolar is a word describing two moods happy and sad. Happy is a state where the brain is throwing out chemicals at a rate greater than a person who is not. Meaning that her brain is sending overly happy chemical one of the amines, i suppose. Know that word is for medical researcher and contribute nothing to my blog. Wiki it if you like to say things like that. Well this happy drug is probably the same as that when you inject with heroin or have that morning shot of whisky. You know. Happiness. Or that feeling when you find money in your account after you have embezzled funds from your office. Or that the ponzi scheme seems to be paying off. You know fun things. The in some cases, people, the amount of this chemical is over over lots. I means lots that the brain can not process the information correctly if at all. It is messy up there. There are things like hallucinations and stuff just like a drug thing, I suppose. So what usually happens in this case, if you are white, is get thee to a hospital. If you are not you get to spend the night in agony in jail. Don’t worry though there is a camera on you. If you die. That is for the inquest to say too bad. Then after you have sobered up; meaning you pretend you are sober. You leave then again someone sends you this time to the hospital and you wait long in a room to see a brain doctor and the ER doc has at this time supplied you with a generous supply of Haldol and ativan. You lay there. You wait. Then eventually you get a monthly supply of seroquel(liquors said backwards) and you have a dry mouth and that is about it. If you really have a mental illness it actually doesn’t work. You have bacteria in your mouth that rots your teeth and dry mouth makes you lose teeth even with proper dental coverage. So logically seroquel is used to make you lose teeth. Nothing else, unless you don’t have a mental illness then you sleep for a very long time and have a dry mouth. This is the first thing the doctors do when you have a mental illness like bipolar. They want to make your mouth dry for some reason.

I found that gummy bears help the dry mouth but it is full of sugar so makes saliva and your metabolism might have changed and you gain body fat and feel and appear unattractive to that potential/present mate. You don’t boink and such. You feel worse. Then you get depressed. This is almost the opposite of mania/happy. YOu are sad and you cry about most anything. You feel like you can’t want to live. Thoughts of suicide is constant and appealing. Some person take to alcohol or better yet heroin but you can never get enough to be happy. Your brain is trying to get healthy so your need the rest. Rest is constant and you lay in bed or on a park bench for hours. You smell funny. You are hungry and NOT a human likes to see this and care. You walk to the local free food place to eat something. The food is disgusting even if it was good. There is a taste of dried burnt wood or something you don’t like. Then you make the decision to end your life. That bottle of lithium might do the trick and you go to a fountain and you slowly take the whole bottle and you lay down and you are gone. Not awake. Of course slow acting lithium is not too poisonous and you are basically trying to get attention of people to help you. Because we all know if you need help you have to use violent means. Violence to self. You hope when you take this someone will find you clinging to life. Good things happen in this case people listen. You are in the psych ward and well rested. Someone is paid to talk with you and about things. Then check your body for normalcy and you are sad you are alive. The pain is back and cry on the inside. They force you in a bath. Then a few guys lift you in a gurney to your bed. You are naked but you don’t really care. Good things.

Then the period of a week or so because the bed is needed for that guy who collects cups. Collecting cups is a mental illness much like collecting funds but funds is good for something like buying the wife a nice house and things are good. They keep quiet because they like their stuff. If they mention they really don’t like the stuff they end up in the psych ward with their dad and husband bringing them an expensive coffee from starbucks and whipped cream. Good things. This is all anyone wants anyways a coffee and company. Good things. No one really needs those material things we need one another and is as simple as that. But the few who crave things are usually doing it to fuck something. Usually that woman working as a barista at starbucks. Or something as it is all about sex. People get rish because that is the only way they know they can fuck a mindless thing. The thing gets sick after wards and he wants to fuck it some more so he gives it a coffee. The thing then says he really loves me and yadda yadda. The cycle of life. So if you are depressed just wait it out. It will pass. The strength is in waiting it out. Mania will go away and don’t be too hard on yourself at the things you have done. Others have done worse so you are not special. At least you didn’t abuse children in residential school so smile about that fact. You see sex again but worse kind. I hate priests.

So the advice again is you will come out of it alive if you just tell yourself about it. Lie to yourself if you have to. And you can have a drink if you like but not too much, its ugly.  Smoke if you got em. Eat and brush your teeth. Also clean hair is always sexy and walk at least about a block. Instead of buying booze buy a pair of skinny jeans even if you a dude. Remember you have one shot so smile and be merry. I sound like a happy person now very un attractive for a depressed person to hear this shit. I know that feeling. I just want to punch a happy person in the face. yes you know who you are. But I know you are hurting otherwise you would not be too much into the religion and also hitting a chick is considered in some cultures to be taboo. So just sit there and read and eat and get to work and pay bills and be normal if that’s your thing. Otherwise use your brain the best you can it is telling you to do something and not to be afraid. Fear of using your brain is a bad thing. Go to the library and take a book on something real and truthy like quantum physics, stay away from string theory. Read about plants or better yet art. Look at books about painting because we all know how expensive it is to drive to France to the Louvre. I am glad I saw the Van Gogh and Rembrandt art. I also seen window hookers in Amsterdam.  Even if you are in Saskatoon, if you are unlucky, you can still see art. These artist people are everywhere. Even if you don’t like the crap that is out there just go. Be passionate about things you read. Enjoy it. OK enough triteness.